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The Only Way To Accomplish Great Things Is To TRUST YOURSELF.

Our bodies talk to us literally all the time. It might come in the form of a muscle pain, a yawn, or a shiver down your spine. Often it’s simply a gut feeling, or a “knowing” deep down in your soul. Do you listen? Or do you ignore what your body is telling you?

trust yourself

If I could teach you bbs only ONE thing, it would be to TRUST YOURSELF. Trust the part of you that knows. Trust your intuition. Trust your own inner guidance. You don’t need to explain or justify yourself to anyone else.

Far too often ppl listen to the noise of the world instead of themselves. I did this for the year that I was engaged. The LAST thing I wanted to do was call off my wedding, so even when my body was SCREAMING the truth to me on the inside, I looked for answers everywhere else. My body got louder & louder until I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t even BREATHE sometimes… my body FORCED me to listen. When I finally did, I knew I had no choice but to make the most difficult decision of my entire life. But as soon as I made it, my body assured me that I made the right choice. I could breathe. I could eat. I could sleep. I could think. I could start rebuilding. That’s when I learned to trust myself enough to let go, to uproot, & to shed who I used to be in order to reemerge as a stronger version of myself.

You, wild one, are meant to accomplish great things. But you can’t accomplish them until you TRUST YOURSELF. Trusting yourself is a practice. It takes time, but learning to do so has been so monumental to my personal growth that I got it tattooed my left forearm so I could be reminded every second of every day.

Are you ready to start trusting yourself more? Here are some things to keep in mind:

⋆  Energy doesn’t lie. If something feels off, it probably is.
⋆  Your eyes & ears will play tricks on you. Trust your gut/soul/inner voice.
⋆  Set aside time every day to build a relationship with your gut/soul/inner voice. Silence everything around you so you can listen (meditation is great for this obvi).

Are you ready to get started now? Ask yourself a question you’ve been wrestling with. Silence your mind, close your eyes, & take a few deep breaths, in & out, deep into your belly. An answer will come to you. What’s it saying? Instead of brushing it off, lean in & listen even more deeply. You will know the next step to take.

If you need support, consider joining the Flex Your Female SISTERHOOD. Together we will rise to the highest version of ourselves!

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When Women Gather In Sisterhood, Magic Happens.

NOTHING IS STRONGER THAN SISTERHOOD.

Every woman I’ve ever worked with has craved sisterhood. A sisterhood of women who are, like them, hungry for life, obsessed with their soul’s growth, & want to lift each other higher.

flex your female sisterhood

I believe there’s something biological to this because for all of history, women have gathered in circles to share stories, heal wounds, pass down skills & wisdom, and support & empower one another. What started as small gatherings in caves has, in this modern age, turned to group text. And it’s just not enough. Women are YEARNING for a sacred space & support system to transition into womanhood together. Are you one of them?

For so long I journeyed solo. Did you? I walked the walk alone – pretending I had it all together – & I suffered greatly from it. Once I got a taste of sisterhood, I couldn’t fathom how I ever survived without it.

We’re in a period of history where we live more separately than ever before, so it’s more important than ever that we gather, support, & hold space for each other. Women THRIVE when we hold space for one another, share stories, & truly accept, hear, & see one another unconditionally.

Are you surrounded by friends but still feeling alone? What would it be like be part of a loving sisterhood where you can be seen & loved for all of your “too much”-ness? What would it be worth to have deep feminine connections with women determined to rise TOGETHER?

The Flex Your Female SISTERHOOD is that sacred space of deep feminine connection amongst women who will rise together. MAGIC IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. Will you be part of it? YOU WILL BE CHANGED. Click here to secure your spot (spots are almost gone!!!)

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Giving & Receiving Constructive Feedback

I love feedback. Especially the “constructive” kind. Whenever I receive constructive feedback, I’m immensely grateful. I don’t overreact. I just take it for what it is: one data point from one person. I file that data point away, and sometimes it ends up being helpful later on.

feedback is a gift

Feedback is a gift

During my two years in business school at Stanford, I probably heard the phrase “feedback is a gift” at least a billion times. At first it sounded cheesy, but now it’s become a mantra.

Feedback is a gift because the feedback giver faces possible repercussions (like hurting someone or ruining the relationship). That’s why people often decide not to give the feedback at all. Instead, they silently stew about Karen’s interruption habit and wonder how she could be so rude. Well, it’s because no one’s ever told Karen how she could improve.

In order to be a good giver of

feedback, you need to be a good receiver of feedback.

People often experience constructive feedback as an insult or attack, so they get defensive and overreact. Don’t let this be you. If you react poorly when someone gives you the gift of feedback, you probably won’t get it again. It’s so rare that we get insight into how other people experience us, but it’s essential to personal growth. If you aren’t a good receiver of feedback, you won’t get any gifts.

And trust me, you want the gifts. So before we even get into how to give constructive feedback, let’s talk about how to receive it.

How to receive constructive feedback:

Step 1: Stay Calm

When that alarm in your brain goes off because you sense that someone is about to criticize you, stop your instinctual reaction (both verbally and facially). Just breathe for a second and process what they’re saying. Remember, this is just one data point from one person, and it could end up being useful… so don’t go on the attack.

Step 2: Listen. Really listen.

We don’t get a ton of opportunities to get constructive feedback, so don’t interrupt. She’s probably nervous and it could take a bit before she gets to the core of the feedback. There’s no need to debate her because this is just her perspective. Even if she’s accusatory, and even if you think she’s lazy or a total bitch, it doesn’t mean she’s wrong.

Step 3: Say “Thank You”

This can be difficult, especially if the feedback giver isn’t the most eloquent. But remember, the giver could have kept this information to herself, and she chose to take a risk in order to help you improve. Acknowledge her personal risk by saying “first of all, thank you for caring about me enough to give me that feedback.” I promise once you do, her face will relax and the conversation will get easier.

Step 4: Clarify

Start by mirroring back what you heard: “I hear you saying that when I arrive late to work, you feel disrespected. Do I have that right?” This lets her know that you care about her perspective and were really listening. Next, ask any clarifying questions you have, and ask how she thinks you can improve. You can seek to understand, even if you disagree. Thank her again. If she’s your boss or superior, ask her if you can follow-up in two weeks on how you’re doing.

Step 5: Reflect

Just because you got a piece of constructive feedback, doesn’t mean you need to listen to it. Once the conversation is over and you’ve chilled out a little bit, reflect on what she said. Did it resonate with you? Is this something you want to change in yourself, or is it something you like about yourself? If you’re not sure, it’s always good to get other opinions. Ask people you trust (they don’t necessarily have to be your best friends, but rather people you respect).

Not as easy as it seems, right?

Receiving feedback well takes practice. Certain moods, sensitivities, and people make it even harder. For instance, my friend is especially sensitive to constructive feedback from her parents (ok fine it’s not my friend it’s me).

Keep in mind how difficult it can be to hear constructive feedback when you’re giving it. This doesn’t mean tip-toeing around the person, or they’ll never receive the message. You should always be direct, but never judgmental. In other words, don’t just say “GOD Karen you’re so STUPID.”

How to give constructive feedback:

Step 1: State Your Intentions

Don’t bury the lead here – make it clear right away that you have a piece of feedback to share – but also share why you’re giving the feedback. (Hint: you should only be giving feedback to help the person improve. That’s what makes it CONSTRUCTIVE feedback.) When it’s clear you’re just trying to help, the receiver can let her guard down.

Example: “Hi Karen, I have a piece of feedback I’d like to share with you that I hope will help us work better as a team.”

Step 2: Focus on the Behavior

Give feedback on the behavior the person is exhibiting (not the person herself), and be as specific as possible (ideally, use the most recent example of this behavior).

Step 3: Don’t Judge

You never want to place judgment on the person herself. Never use labels or call her names (i.e. you’re a bitch). Personal attacks are not a good look. Instead, name the behavior itself.

Good Example: “You rolled your eyes in our morning meeting”

Bad Example: “You were a bitch in our morning meeting”

Step 4: Use the Action-Impact Model

Once you’ve named the behavior you have constructive feedback on, rather than judging or labeling the behavior, just focus on the impact that behavior had on you. This is called the Action-Impact Model: When you [ACTION], I feel [THE IMPACT ON ME]. When you focus on your own experience of the behavior, you’re never wrong. Chances are, the feedback receiver is completely unaware of the impact her behavior has on you.

Example: “Today in our morning meeting you rolled your eyes a couple times after I spoke. This made me feel devalued and disrespected.”

The key is to focus on the behavior you observed, but not make any assumptions or interpretations about why she behaved that way or what type of person she is. You’re detaching the behavior from the person herself.

Step 5: Listen & Clarify

Give her a chance to clarify and ask questions. As always, focus on the behavior, not the person.

Never pile on with additional behaviors you have a feedback on. You don’t want to overwhelm her, so focus on one behavior at a time.

Step 6: Offer to Help

If it feels right, offer suggestions on how she can improve. You can even offer to follow-up at a later date, but leave the decision up to her.

Feedback Should Be Helpful

The bottom line is, feedback should be helpful, not degrading. Giving feedback is a tool for improving behavior and performance, so your objective should always be to help, not to hurt. When receiving feedback, remember that it’s a gift (even if it isn’t wrapped up in the prettiest packaging).

In the end, not everyone wants our opinions (much to our dismay). But I’ve found the best relationships (personal and professional) only grow from a healthy dose giving and receiving feedback.

What are your tips for giving and receiving constructive feedback? Share the wealth below!